WE ARE BACK…And we start you off with a Super Z update by Jessica Warren  🙂

Well…as I sit here and write and update about my son I’m filled with an emotion so indescribable. Sorry for not updating sooner. I honestly believe that my husband and I have just been in such awe of life. My uncle said to me the other day “Jessie you have spent years getting used to life not being normal…your definition of normal had to change for two years. Now you have to get used what truly is normal.” And boy was he right! I find myself watching Zayne play almost anticipating him to come tell me he has a headache, or doesn’t feel good, or that he needs mommy snuggles. And when it doesn’t happen I encounter that emotion that I cannot explain.
I remember the doctor in that little room letting me know surgery went as planned. The cyst was drained and he got the biopsy. I was excited don’t get me wrong, and thankful…my boy had NO complications throughout brain surgery!!! That’s huge…but my son still had a tumor. I wanted so badly to jump for joy and feel that feeling of relief. But I didn’t. All I could see was the part of the tumor that might still steal even more of my baby’s childhood from him. And as excited as I wanted to be I found myself disappointed with God. Why? You who could heal him with one breath…why couldn’t you let that doctor come in and say it’s GONE. You could have made that happen. I don’t want him to have to deal with this for the rest of his life. Why? I laid next to him that night in the hospital bed wanting to take it away again. I can’t tell you how many times throughout these past 2 years I have wished that were possible. It was until we had the follow up with the neuro-surgeon that I actually got quite enough to hear God speaking to me. I remember the doctor showing us the scans of his brain. The cyst was almost non-existent and the tumor was 80% smaller than what it was. We left the doctor’s office with lots of thanks and plans to be back in 3 months. We then had an hour ride to my in-laws. We would stay with them for the next week and then fly home. I had thoughts swirling in my head about everything. Everything the doctor said kept replaying. He had looked at me and said “This is good news. You got your good news. If all goes well I hope to never see you folks again.” With a sincere smile on his face. He must have still seen me doubting. We pulled up to my in-laws and got settled in. I watched my boys as they ran around their yard. Zayne laughing as Ayden chased him. My heart pricked…how many more days, months, years before the tumor starts to grow again? How many more surgeries? Will it ever stop. I was starting to suffocate from my thoughts and then I was still. And I started thinking how do I dance in this rain? I can’t live like this. I can’t live in fear everyday waiting for the next 3 month scan. I don’t want to. And I began to feel those words come to life. I don’t want to. I don’t want my kids to. I walked inside and changed for dinner. The past 2 years flashed in my mind. I lived on auto pilot. Not wanting to feel to much but not wanting to feel to little. Be strong but not so strong you are numb. Don’t think about it too much, but still be prepared. I was in constant limbo trying to figure out how to be this mom of a child on chemo. I hope and pray that my babies ALWAYS felt loved. No matter how much I had on my mind. And as I sat there and thought about how lifeless I felt during those 2 years it hit me. I want to live like this thing doesn’t exist. I REFUSE to live in fear. I want to live HAPPY. I want to live INTENTIONAL. I want to live life how I pray my boys will. It’s a conscious decision to choose to live in FAITH. I have to believe that my boys will go through their own journey to shape and mold them into the men God wants them to be. I can feel the freedom in this choice and that what makes it real. That’s what makes it the RIGHT choice for me. Zayne lives as if it never happened. He LIVES life as a normal 4 yr. old. Life is good. Sometimes life ends to short. And I am blessed to have the next 3 months with my boy smiling, laughing, and pain free! Why would I want to lose any precious moments worrying about what God already knows? I won’t. I will however soak up life that we have missed out on for the past 2 years and I will reset my normal gage back to how amazing and blessed I am to have these 2 beautiful boys that will forever be the very air I breathe.
Just to let you know how great things are, we had the opportunity to go Florida with my Dad and the change in Zayne is phenomenal. Last year Zayne would be in the sun for an hour and have to come in and even then would usually wind up with a migraine. This past week I was able to watch my boy have a BLAST in the pool!! Sun up to sun down he was splashing away!! Even got a sun burn….A SUNBURN!!! He was in the sun long enough to get burned and never once had a headache!!! Also as of last week we are bink(pacifier) FREE!!!!! We knew for a long time that whenever he asked for his bink he just didn’t feel good. And we got him down to only night time after the surgery well in Florida I pretended I left them home. He said “MOM….why did you do that?” insert pouty face but went to bed fine and never asked for it again. GAH!!!!!! He eats like a moose and I swear he has put on 30lbs!! (lol, not really, but lets just say he won’t wrestle the same weight class as coach did) We have also decided that he is making up for having to be in bed for the past 2 years. This boy does NOT need sleep…he goes to bed around 9 and up at 8, which don’t get me wrong that’s a great night sleep but when he is up he is on go mode until his head hits the pillow that night!!! Tiring but I wouldn’t have it any other way!! He truly is a miracle!!! Thank you so much for all the prayers and support!!!! It has been such a weight lifted having money to do the traveling we have had to do for him. We are going back to TX at the end of April and knowing we won’t go into debt doing it is BEYOND a blessing!!! Thank you everyone again for the wings of support you have been.

Below is a Video that Corey Cagle of the Springport Highschool Student Council