It’s a girl! No, it’s a boy! No wait… it’s a faucet fitting?

I don’t claim to be a feminist, but I am no fifties girl either. I can mow the lawn, change my own taillight, and I am no stranger to a power drill. Nevertheless, if a chivalrous man offers to open the door or carry a heavy package for me, well, I am all smiles and thank yous! However, the day my husband asked me to stop by the home improvement store while I was out, thus saving him a trip into town, let’s just say I definitely perpetuated the “total girl” stereotype. I guess, considering the fact that I AM a girl; there are worse things that have happened to me.
As I walked into the home improvement store, I inhaled the scent of new carpet and wood. It reminded me of how much I actually enjoyed shopping here while we were building our house. I am intimately acquainted with the paint, carpet, and appliance departments. This day, however, I was heading into uncharted territory. I was looking for an outside water faucet and a watcha-ma-call-it fitting, so my husband could fix the outdoor faucet that apparently refused to turn off.
I spent the first ten minutes wandering through the store looking for the faucet when I decided to ASK somebody for directions, a plus side to being a “total girl”! I was hoping I had AT LEAST found the correct department by myself. Nope! I was in aisle seven, and the lady directed me to aisle thirty-four and called for someone to assist me when I arrived. I made my way twenty-seven aisles over and found myself looking up and down the aisle wondering if she had made a mistake. Finally, I found them. When the department help arrived, she found me just standing there staring at all my options, not sure which one I needed. She pointed to the bottom shelf. Oh yeah, I thought to myself, those look like they would do the job.
After I picked up the faucet, I had one more request, and I made sure I repeated the line, just like I had rehearsed on the phone with my husband. “I also need a fitting for ½ inch copper piping,” I said, hoping she would understand what that meant, since obviously I had no idea! Her response was “Male or female?” Okaaay, I thought to myself, I didn’t realize they had established a particular gender for water faucet fittings. Not having any idea as to whether our copper was a girl or a boy, I did what any smart “total girl” would do. I called my husband.
Of course, I was standing in an area with poor reception, so I had to keep repeating the line.
“Is our copper male or female?” I asked.
“What?” he kept repeating.
“Do I bring home a girl or a boy fitting?” I asked, hoping for a clear response, only to have the call dropped. Of course! Sigh.
The sales associate suggested I take the “female” because apparently the faucet in my hand was a “male.” As I looked at the faucet I was holding, I remembered I was supposed to buy a ten-inch faucet. The label said it was ten inches, but seeing how it was a “male” faucet, I thought it might be bragging and was probably only seven!
As I made my way to the front of the store, with my items in hand, congratulating myself for a job well done, I noticed my cell phone had a better signal, so I called my husband to give him the match making update. Well, it turned out he needed a fitting that wasn’t male or female, since our copper piping didn’t have threads. Back to aisle thirty-four I went. I found the “non-gender-specific” shelf of faucet fittings and I flagged down another associate to help me. He took me to the parts bin and asked, “Half inch IB or AD copper?” Well, to be honest, I can’t even remember the actual letters he used in the question. I am pretty sure they went in one ear and right out the other, bypassing my brain altogether! I gave him a look that said, Oh my gosh! My husband sent me in here for parts and quite frankly I don’t know if I need a boy, or girl, or what the heck part of the alphabet they come from! Poor man! He took a guess and handed me the part.

On my way out, my husband called me and asked me to grab one more item—a shutoff valve. Seriously?!? Oh yeah. I rolled my eyes and stomped myself back into the store. By some miracle, I found the valve without asking anyone for help. Whether or not it was the right gender or the “LMNOP” copper, I didn’t know and by this time I didn’t care! I purchased my items, returned home and said, “Here ya go baby, hope it works for ya!”
I think I will resume my former “total girl” method when shopping at the home improvement store, which is where I walk in, find the department, hand my phone to an associate and say, “Here, would you talk to my husband?