I was sitting in a seminar this past weekend listening to Dean teach the 4 steps to confidence.(Which by the way, he wrote a book about and I highly recommend it.) But anyway, I find it interesting that every time I hear this segment in the seminar, or every time I am passing the lesson on to someone else, I always forget Step # 4. As I sat there this weekend, still not being able to recall step #4 from memory I realized it was the step I struggle with the most. And that is to create a safe environment for myself. When I look at the other 3 steps it seems to me that they would be the tougher ones. Take a look…
Step 1- take Healthy risks
Step 2- Set and Keep boundaries
Step 3- Make and keep commitments
Step 4- Maintain a safe environment
When you look at those, doesn’t it seem the first 3 would require the most effort, after all, why wouldn’t I want myself to be in a safe environment? It seems logical. And It’s not that I’m not fairly good at creating a safe physical environment, I am. I don’t sleep on a bed of nails, I don’t play chicken in the road, I am pretty good at making choices with a pretty high success rate of keeping all of my appendages. HOWEVER…It is the emotional environment of my mind that I struggle with.
I find it interesting that the environment I have the MOST control over is the one that is often times the least safe for me. “My Mind” “My thoughts” the way I treat myself.” Seriously, just think about how offended we get when people don’t treat us respectfully. Yet, often times we don’t treat ourselves with respect. Why do we allow ourselves to treat us how we don’t want to be treated. I can’t help but remember the question that Dean asked us in my first seminar, it hit me square between the eyes, “If your friend talked to you the way you talk to yourself, how long would you stay friends?”
So I took this little ah ha moment to remind myself I need to pay more attention to how I talk about myself. Words like “That’s a dumb idea?” “How could you forget to make Bo’s lunch.” “Moms are supposed to be able to sew.” “Shouldn’t you be better at math by now?” “Why are you so weird?” “You sure looked crazy today.” “Ugh, you had pizza for dinner again, come on, I think makin’ dinner was in the job description of motherhood, and putting a frozen pizza in the oven, ISN”T COOKING.”
It’s statements like these that just don’t do me any good! It’s time to start appreciating what I am! I am a good mom, I love my kids so much it hurts. Yes, I am a little crazy sometimes and I have a very dynamic personality, but it’s like I tell my hubby, “Babe, without me your life would be logical and boring.” Yes I forget Bo’s lunch, but thank goodness for a school lunch account so the boy never goes hungry. And No I don’t sew, but sense I don’t, guess who knows how to sew a patch on his shirt…Yup, Josh does. So in actuality I have done the boy a favor! And yes I am slow at math, but just think about how smart my kids feel since they are better at it than I am. YUP! That just means I am great at boosting their self esteem! Yes, I may have a few dumb ideas, but I also have some crazy ingenious ideas too!! And Pizza for dinner….what kid doesn’t think that is the greatest!! Gosh when I look at it, all in all, I am pretty darn awesome!!! Yup, time to maintain a safe environment. I mean seriously, if I can’t say something nice I need to duct tape my mouth shut…even if I AM just talking to myself.